After the night I ran from Worczaks
car, I avoided him as much as possible. We were never alone again. I
finished grade school at Holy Family and moved on to catholic high
school at Immaculate Heart Central. I had a difficult time in school
and received average and below average grades in all my subjects. A
classmate of mine, Joe once said that I lacked self confidence, and
he thought I was capable of much more. {Later, I discovered he was
right}.
I graduated from high school in 1978
and attended a 2 year SUNY college at Canton ATC. I found myself
sitting in my advisers office. He looked confused, saying he did not
know how I made it this far. Because from his assessment I was only
reading on a 6th grade level. I found myself in a crash
course of remedial reading. Navigating through college became easier
and over time my grades improved dramatically.
It was my second year at Canton, when a
friend of mine Eddie urged me to attend mass at the Newman Center. He
said that the priest, Fr. Paul was the coolest person. Eddie knew I
was a non practicing catholic and thought this was just what I
needed. Eddie cared about everyone. Neither one of us knew what was
coming next. I never paid attention, nor did I make any connections.
After all it had been years... I purposely avoided mass but arrived
just as it was ending, hopefully just in time for refreshments. Eddie
was a devout catholic and still the alter boy. He was smiling at me
as he and another server proceeded up the aisle . The priest had his
back to me and was talking to a student. Eddie tapped the priest on
the shoulder and motioned for me to come meet him. The priest turned
and without hesitation said “well if it isn't little jimmy
cummings....... Eddie looked a little stunned …. Worczak reached
out to shake my hand and I turned around and quickly left. Later,
Eddie tracked me down and tried to get me to talk. No way.
I graduated from Canton ATC in spring
of 1980 and transferred to Oswego State. After starting a new degree
I graduated in 1985. I started my first teaching position at my old
high school in the fall of 1985. { I should note, that in 1984 I did
confide in a priest friend, Fr. Steve Gratto, [now deceased], that I
was abused by a priest and again later in the '80's to a friend who
would later become a priest.} Later in 1988 I started teaching in the
NYS Department Of Corrections and Community Services and have been
there to this date.
I started dating my soon to be wife
Mary in 1990. We would marry in a civil ceremony in November 1992 and
our son was born in February 1996. Mary and I both agreed to start
attending mass more frequently and to raise our son as a Catholic. I
never told Mary that I was abused by a priest, not until years later.
Our son was baptized in the Catholic
church. As a family, we attended mass every Sunday and Holy day of
obligation We all became very involved in our Catholic Community of
St. Cyril. He received the sacraments of Penance and Communion.
We were all very Happy with our lives
and our faith. And then on April 5th 2002 the memories of
my sexual and emotional abuse surfaced and I started to lose my
faith. At a social gathering I met up with 2 ladies that were
friends of my parents and they also had children around my age. One
of the ladies started talking about the Boston Priest Sexual Abuse
Scandal, and we agreed on how bad it was. Then the conversation
quickly turned to Fr. Worczak. Both ladies shared stories about how
they had to intercede and tell Worczak to stay away from their
children I returned home after talking with those 2 ladies about
Worczak. Luckily our son was spending the night with a relative. My
wife came home from work and found me sobbing. It took me most of
the evening to tell her what had happened to me as a child. A secret
I kept from her for over 12 years.
My wife convinced me that I had to tell
someone about this. That same evening I called a priest friend who I
taught with at IHC. I told him what I was going through and he said
he would make some calls and get back to me. A few days later, I met
with Monsignor Lawler and Father Morgan and told them about my
encounters with Worczak.
On April 16th 2002 I had a
Psychiatric Evaluation at the Northern New York Behavioral Health
Associates under the care of Dr. Jeffrey Aronowitz M.D. Diagnosis was
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. These sessions continued through
March 2003.
As parents, Mary and I decided that
nothing should change in our routine, which included our involvement
in our Church with our son. A routine that I found increasingly
difficult to maintain.
From the first week of April 2002 when
I had my first meeting with Monsignor Lawler and Father Morgan, it
took the Diocese of Ogdensburg ONE very LONG year to finally remove
Worczak from ministry. I can not put into words what I was personally
going through nor what my wife Mary was experiencing. Sometime in
March or April 2003 Worczak was removed from ministry. Some sources
say that he was removed in March, while others say that he celebrated
his last mass on Easter Sunday April 20th 2003.
It became very clear to me that his
removal from ministry was going to be kept a secret. Some of his
parishioners thought he had retired, others had no idea, here one
day, gone the next. In my mind, the ambiguity of his removal simply
would not do. For the next few months I was tormented by what should
be done. What could I do?
I contacted a reporter from a local
media outlet. I met with him and shared what had happened to me and
all the documentation that I had accumulated. It was imperative that
I remain anonymous, because we were trying to raise our son as a
Catholic and there were going to be people that would consider me an
enemy of the Church if my identity were made known. On July 2nd
2003 my story was made public. And now everyone knew what happened to
Worczak.
Most would think it all ends here, but
it doesn't. We continued going to church as a family. Our son made
his Confirmation April 2012. That was also the last mass I attended.
My obligation as a Catholic parent was in my mind fulfilled. I would
try to find an excuse to tell my son when he would ask why I could
not go to church. Finally, I just told him I was tired of sitting in
a church full of hypocrites. My wife's attendance at Mass has also
diminished. With all that has happened her faith is not as strong as
it once was.
6 years has passed since I stopped
going to church. I still support my son, who is quite simply in love
with what used to be mine, ours, but is now his church. Time does not
heal all wounds but it gives you the room for burying the memories
and the pain associated with them. My wife and I were coping quite
nicely that is until February 21st, 2018. That is the day
that I received the letter from Bishop LaValley describing the
I.R.C.P. The Independent Reconciliation and Compensation Program.
That day changed my life, our lives.
At first I thought the letter was
asking for money for the Bishops Fund, and I was about to throw it
away. But the quality of the envelope felt different it seemed more
formal. So I opened it and began to read. I could not believe what I
was reading and for an instant thought it was a cruel joke. I kept
saying “are you kidding me, I can not believe this.”
As I mentioned earlier, I met with
Bishop LaValley on March 8th, a meeting that lasted an
hour and a half. A meeting that was uncomfortable, embarrassing, and
for the most part void of any true respect for me. It was a meeting
that lacked sincerity. But I was allowed to tell my story. At the end
of the meeting, the Bishop asked me “Jim, what will it take to
bring you and Mary back to the church?” My reply “You could not
possibly imagine what it would take.” The meeting ended with a well
timed incoming phone call which the Bishop happily answered and I
showed myself out the door.
I spent the next couple of days
collecting everything I would need to fill out the I.R.C.P. Claim and
mailed it. A week later I received confirmation of it's receipt and
then started to wait till the deadline for all the claims to be
submitted which was May 31st . It is a long time to wait
for something that I never expected nor wanted.
Both of those interviews upset me to
the point I had to do something. LaValley was trying to speak for the
victims, people who had no voice. People who would have said, NO!
Bishop LaValley you have it all wrong! You do not really understand
what us victims experienced, what we live with every day. You do not
get it because you do not want to soil your hands with the likes of
us! That would all change. Very soon the victims were going to have a
voice. I was going to be that voice.
I had to do something first, I had to
tell our son what had happened to me, why I no longer go to church,
why I act peculiar around Christmas and other Holy Days. One evening
an opportunity presented itself. I found the perfect time[if there is
such a thing] to tell our 22 year old son the truth. I will admit
that telling him was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do
in my life. I was unsure if he would refuse to believe what I had to
say, become angry, I simply had no idea.
But as it turned out, our son is
remarkably strong and handled the truth very well. That was half the
battle. The other half was telling my story, not anonymously but with
full disclosure. On May 21st I met with a reporter from a
media outlet and told her my story. It was published on May 23rd
and now everyone could put at least one name, one face to the many
survivors who suffered sexual, emotional and spiritual abuse.
Since that story was released I have
heard from many people: Family, former classmates, friends and people
I have never met. All offering words of support, wishing that I can
find peace. What I am asking of them and you, stand up, be heard,
demand the truth. Then rebuild the church, the way it was meant to
be, not what it has become.
Sincerely
Jim Cummings
